Author Topic: Anger & Meditation  (Read 7738 times)

Mindfullness

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Anger & Meditation
« on: February 12, 2011, 03:31:50 AM »
Although I have been a student of Vipassana meditation on and off the past year, I have genuinely been trying to keep up consistent practice for the past few 4 weeks. I practice Goenka's Vipassana, but for the past 4 weeks, I have been trying to do Anapanna everyday for one hour. I am gradually trying to build up my "one-pointedness" of concentration/focus so I can move on to practicing Vipassana. I was wondering if anyone else has had bad meditation sessions after doing even just Anapanna meditation? Today, I felt kind of frustrated after my meditation session, because I feel at times it is really frustrating trying to focus on the area between the tip of the nose and upper lip, and sometimes I'm not even confident if I'm exactly focusing on the right area. AFTER my session, all these angry thoughts about my personal life and my self-esteem came up like the following:

-Will I ever find someone who I will love?
-Will my parents ever accept me for who I am?
-Will I ever get a job?
-What If all the schoolwork I'm doing is all for nothing?
-Why do I overthink everything?
-How do I appear to everyone else? Am I freak?
-I hate all the people who consider me 'weird'
-Previous enemies who I haven't seen in years
-When will I finally get over myself and become confident?

These thoughts came up briefly during my meditation session, but I was able to move on and continously bring myself back to my awareness of my breath. The thing is, though, that the thoughts listed above are thoughts I have continously dealt with for the past 4.5-10 years. When I recognize these thoughts after a meditaton session, it angers me even more, because it's almost as if all that meditating was for nothing(why meditate at all if you will just get angry minutes/hours afterwards?). However, then I got to thinking that maybe this is just my ego's way of trying to fight all the change that is happening through my meditation, such as me recognizing habitual thought patterns? What do you guys think? Do you have any tips or recommendations on how to deal with this anger? Do you feel that these thoughts and feelings are all part of the meditation process?

Jeeprs

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2011, 05:46:15 AM »
What comes up for me in reading your post is that meditation is not a substitute for anything that is missing in your life. If the issues you have are issues, they will remain issues whether you meditate or not. In fact maybe the anger you feel is the energy you need to tackle these issues and solve them.

In the context of Buddhism, meditation is part of a larger whole. The Eightfold Path includes right meditation, but also right speech, thought, action, effort, means of livelihood, wisdom and intention. Samadhi is one leg of the tripod, the other two being sila (morality) and prajna (wisdom). Seen like this, meditation is part of a holistic path, one that is concerned with your whole existence, not just a part of it.

I can't advise you on the issues that are coming up, except to say that they are surely the types of issues we all have to face. This does not make them easy or trivial, often they are major life issues. But they can't be 'solved' by meditation - what it teaches you is to face them with equanimity and see them as they are. It also helps you to enlist the deeper parts of your mind to solve them. But I think that is what you are being called to do.

That is my take.

rideforever

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2011, 06:16:33 AM »
This is progress !  When these thoughts arise they are opportunities to resolve your worries and fears - they are not a bad sign but an opportunity ... how would you resolve these fears otherwise ?  They must be worked through.

If you can connect your vipassana experience with these worries, then the vipassana will resolve them.  However you must be able to watch these worries arise without being identified with them otherwise they will push you out of your practice. 

When your worry 'will i ever find someone' arises you can observe the feelings in the body that are related to it - perhaps your right leg will ache and you can see this as you body scan.  And through observation over time the worry will resolve.

AFTER ... yes okay, so your samatha is working because you are becoming more in touch with yourself hence you are noticing your worries.  Now vipassana and then resolve them.

If you 'sit' with your worries they will resolve.  If they are arising then they still need dealing with with.  Have no fear, just sit with them.

Sila is as Goenka states very important as the 3rd leg of the structure you are creating, you don't mention it.  For me it is the foundation of my practice (although I am not given to rules) and strenghtens it.  As he says : plant sweet mango seeds, and sweet mango trees will grow.


Andrew

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    • friends tell me things, sometimes I listen.
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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2011, 10:53:24 AM »
It is little comfort, infact so little that I can't say it's anymore than an excuse to say 'hi', but the things your describe are the matrix from which we are born and the jungle in which we live. No one ever gets 'used to it', I would just say that you are very important to one person atleast, YOU. I think you are doing yourself the biggest favour in the world by meditating and sharing with us your experiences. You are not letting yourself down, and that is really something! ;D

It is easy to give up and just compensate, we all do, I have for years, but it's really something to work at it like you are. there is no such thing as a bad meditation session by the way, just ones we enjoy and those we don't.

love

Andy
getting it done

thelastrich

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2011, 02:41:08 PM »
Maybe during your sitting you don't have to "move on", but to watch, feel and accept those thoughts and feelings.
Just don't think "ok so here I think this, let's move on".
Watch It, feel It and accept that those feelings are in you, it's normal for those feelings to be there, don't try to avoid them, if you want to change how you are, the first thing you need is to accept you as you are, this includes all you want and all you don't want.

Hope this helps you.

Matthew

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2011, 03:53:19 PM »
OK so you have been dealing with the same repetitive thinking for years, and it is the standard kind of stuff that the ego loves to throw at people but for you this stuff runs around in your head driving you insane - and it will because some of the questions can only be answered by the life that you lead, some can't be answered and some pointless.

For one month you have been practicing Goenka-Anapana and this stuff is rising even more to the surface and you are feeling lost how to deal with it. You have to see through these questions to what lays behind them. And you have to undertake a more open and accepting form of Anapana to do so: whole body breathing Anapana. Just building concentration without relaxation as a balance to it is making these issues worse. You are probably getting really good at concentrating on these circular questions.

Go back to the start. "Breathe in sensitive to the entire body and calming the body, breathe out sensitive to the entire body and calming the body". Sensitive to the entire body means placing your awareness on all the physical sensations throughout your body that are created by the process of breathing in and out. Calming the body is the part that for you is very important and missing in this practice of focussing somewhere near your nose, something not found in any Sutta or teaching of the Buddha. This is where I feel your current practice is making things worse.

Practice like this, letting go of thoughts and distractions, without force - and especially without forcing quiet on your mind - and gently returning attention to the bodily sensations as you breathe in and out and calming the body as you breathe in and out. Be aware of thoughts without clinging to them, pushing them away or judging them. Just let them be. Let go of them and gently return to the body, again and again and again.

This way you build concentration at the same time as building calm - a deep calm that imbues the body and calms the mind naturally over time and without force or suppression. As the mind calms there is space and in practicing this way also the strengthening of equanimity. There is a slow deepening of your insight.

Many of your questions are highly inter-related. As you calm your body and mind with right practice - and also apply the other folds of the path. You will start to see this. They come down to your basic experiential sense of self which has clearly been damaged by the way your parents raised you: critically, judging, expecting results from you, making their love dependent on the results.

They have taught you that you are not inherently valued for who you are and what you do matters more. I think the type of practice you are following is not conducive to overcoming these messages as you have made it a goal oriented practice - exactly in line with your ego or false conditioned self.

It's no wonder you lack confidence. It's no wonder you think you may never find love or work. It is no wonder you question the value of the schoolwork (being forced onto you).

Your parents have done an amazingly good job of conditioning you to be a type "A" personality with all the screw ups that brings with it: narcissism + low self esteem, too much trying and not enough being, a results oriented mindset, etc.  But it is not their fault - they are only acting out of their own conditioning.

It's down to you to break that cycle if you want to. Right meditation can be part of that and - as Jeeprs points out, looking at the other aspects of the path - because meditation is isolation won't lead to the deep changes in how you feel about your life that you clearly seek - though an important part of the process of change, it has to be balanced by the rest of it.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2011, 03:55:51 PM by The Irreverent Buddhist »
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Mindfullness

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2011, 08:48:41 PM »
Thank you all for your responses! I definitely think my ego is reacting to my meditation session. Irreverent Buddhist, I definitely follow what you are saying, but what do you think of this article:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/ariyadhamma/bl115.html

If what the link is saying is true, doesn't this mean that Goenka's Anapanna is really no different from what the Buddha's mentions in his Mahasatipatthana Sutta?

Quardamon

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    • Teachers were: P.K.K. Mettavihari, Frits Koster, Nel Kliphuis. (In the line of Mahasi Sayadaw)
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2011, 09:01:38 PM »
Hello Nliyan25,

Sounds like you are directing attention of the forum-mates to what is hindering you.
Would you please also tell us what is supporting you? Even if it is only the cup of tea in the morning? Or walking when there is a storm, or pressing your back against the back of the chair while doing your schoolwork, or a warm shower?

Whishing you well,

Quardamon

kidnovice

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    • Theravada: with nuts and bolts from Goenka-ji, and fine tuning from Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2011, 09:14:35 PM »
That's a wonderful suggestion, Q. :) Its easy to put emotional blinders on, and only focus on one aspect of our experience. Sometimes, a lot of relief can be found in simply seeing the broader picture.
May we cultivate the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; the compassion to change the things we can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
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  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • KISS: Keep it simple stupid.
    • Getting nowhere slowly and enjoying every moment.
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2011, 09:56:05 PM »
... Irreverent Buddhist, I definitely follow what you are saying, but what do you think of this article:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/ariyadhamma/bl115.html

If what the link is saying is true, doesn't this mean that Goenka's Anapanna is really no different from what the Buddha's mentions in his Mahasatipatthana Sutta?

What the link is saying is BS.

...... Just ignore everything about your nose.

The Buddha taught, "The monk having taken himself to a secluded spot, sits on the floor. Having established mindfulness to the fore, he breathes in sensitive to the entire body and calming the entire body. He breathes out sensitive to the entire body and calming the entire body."

....

The Buddha never mentions noses though. The word used in Pali is Paramukham which could mean "about" or "fully" + "face" or "facing". The correct interpretation is "fully facing the object of meditation"......

The mistranslation of Paramukham rendered as "around the face" is what leads people to having an unhealthy interest in their noses.

I'll say it again: Nowhere in any Sutta does the Buddha mention noses. This common misconception is an artefact of later debate about the Sutta's whereby people have mistranslated the teachings. Focussing on the nose disembodies you by over-activating the Trigeminal nerve. Whole body breathing Anapana, as described by the Buddha, fully embodies you - by activating the Vagus nerve - this leads to physiological changes that induce calm in body and mind and allow concentration to develop in a relaxed, and not forced, fashion.

[QUOTE source=Access To Insight, Thanissaro Bhikkhu Anapanasati Sutta link=http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.118.than.html] "There is the case where a monk, having gone to the wilderness, to the shade of a tree, or to an empty building, sits down folding his legs crosswise, holding his body erect, and setting mindfulness to the fore.[1] Always mindful, he breathes in; mindful he breathes out.

"[1] Breathing in long, he discerns, 'I am breathing in long'; or breathing out long, he discerns, 'I am breathing out long.' [2] Or breathing in short, he discerns, 'I am breathing in short'; or breathing out short, he discerns, 'I am breathing out short.' [3] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in sensitive to the entire body.'[2] He trains himself, 'I will breathe out sensitive to the entire body.' [4] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in calming bodily fabrication.'[3] He trains himself, 'I will breathe out calming bodily fabrication.'[/QUOTE]

Not "He trains himself, 'I will breathe in sensitive to the entire NOSE.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out sensitive to the entire NOSE.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2011, 10:05:49 PM by The Irreverent Buddhist »
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Mindfullness

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2011, 10:17:36 PM »
Thank you, Quardamon, for the suggestion. I guess the following things are what keep me going:


-doing HIIT(High Intensity Interval Training) on the treadmill/bike
-Lifting
-Meditation(generally speaking, of course--sometimes unpleasant meditation sessions make me think otherwise)
-peaceful family life
-studying and forgetting everything else
-Reading books/articles/website on meditation, yoga and tantra
-hanging out with my few close friends


I think that is about it. Since I was in high school(I'm 23 now), I've developed a big fear of trying new things like sports, card games, instruments, etc. I still find it hard to muster enough confidence to try those things, even today. I always feel like the least confident person in the room. I always feel like nobody gets me. Although I have both good and bad days, I would say that a lot of the times, although I recognize my strengths, I come to the conclusion that I hate myself.

kidnovice

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    • Theravada: with nuts and bolts from Goenka-ji, and fine tuning from Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2011, 10:20:54 PM »
Hey Nilyan,

You have received alot of great advice here, and I think you should consider it all, especially looking at how you might make broader changes to your life/perspective beyond the cushion. Also, I hope you don't mind if I offer an additional way of looking at what's going on with your meditation...

I notice you have developed some skill in concentration-- enough to quickly return to your chosen object, and quiet your mind. That's a wonderful asset. But you're also discovering the basic limitation of concentration. By itself, concentration will only offer you temporary relief. That's not a bad thing, just a limitation.

What you also need is calm and insight. You're developing some insight when you quiet the mind, seeing into the impermanent nature of the voices, seeing how they pass away if you don't give them fuel. If you keep that up, you will benefit more and more. Reflect on that, and your insight will deepen. These insights should also help you off the cushion by providing "space" between you and your thoughts.  

However, from your post, it sounds like what you most need is calm. As you say, you are generating anger even as you concentrate. You may not be getting angry about the usual things, but you're still getting angry. And once you are caught in the field of any emotion, your mind will naturally generate thoughts to perpetuate that emotion. This is true for ALL emotions: anger, sadness, kindness, and even joy.

So, if you cultivate anger while you meditate (regardless of what the anger is about), it is no surprise that other angry voices will arise immediately afterward. You're playing their song, so naturally they want to sing along!  On the other hand, if during your meditation, you cultivate a sense of acceptance and patience, this feeling would naturally extend off the cushion, and different voices would then have a chance to be heard.

Of course, its going to take time to change a 10-year habit of the mind, but it can be done (in less than 10 years!). For now, you should be focusing most on your attitude as you practice. By calmly accepting your meditation without judgment (which is pretty easy to do), it will greatly help you to calmly accept yourself without judgment (which is much more difficult!)

That calm acceptance is the most important thing. Make it your utmost priority as you meditate. For me, anapana at the nose is sometimes a powerful starting point. But that's not always true, and definitely not for everyone.

Ultimately, though, you have to calm the body. And you do this by bringing a calm awareness to it. This can be done part-by-part, or as a whole, like TIB suggests (by the way Matthew, thanks for the detailed exposition of the practice!). There is no harm in seeing if you benefit from whole-body breathing. Or you might try switching to what you call "vipassana." Don't worry if you are a bit distracted as you scan. If you can keep bringing a gentle awareness back to the body (as you would the breath), it is also very calming. What matters most is your intention.

With metta,
KN
« Last Edit: February 12, 2011, 10:23:56 PM by kidnovice »
May we cultivate the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; the compassion to change the things we can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Mindfullness

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #12 on: February 12, 2011, 11:29:22 PM »
Kidnovice:

Thank you for providing those great tips! I think you are right, I think my approach will make all the difference in the world. I also see that you practice Goenka's style of Vipassana--do you feel like when you moved on from Anapanna to Vipassana that you became more calm?

kidnovice

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    • Theravada: with nuts and bolts from Goenka-ji, and fine tuning from Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #13 on: February 13, 2011, 12:34:21 AM »
In my first few years following Goenka's instructions, I saw body-scanning as something I did only AFTER I was sufficiently concentrated from doing anapana (at the nose).  I can tell that this is how you are thinking about it too.  However, I don't think about it like that anymore. :)

I should say that I have a very free-style approach to meditation. My only true compass is the quality of my awareness. Is it calm? Gentle? Accepting? Friendly? In each moment, I try to look for ways to cultivate those qualities, and I'm open to doing whatever works in that moment.  With that in mind, here are some things that I have figured out for myself. I think it would have helped me to have someone tell me these things early on, so I'm going to write them here:

1) Sometimes, my mind just doesn't want to be fixed on a single point (e.g., a small area beneath the nostrils). At those times, I have found that the mind can get quite concentrated when I give it a dynamic object. I do this by moving my awareness part by part through the body. I find that if thoughts arise, I can just keep returning to whichever part I'm on. And then my mind quiets down on its own.

2) Sometimes, it is easier for me to get concentrated on a fixed point (anapana at the nose).  :D

3) When I concentrate on a fixed point, I find it is easier to tune into my awareness itself-- to "watch the watcher." This helps me to sense any strain or tension I might be generating.

4) Similarly, I find that concentrating on a fixed point helps me to more consciously observe thoughts (in the process of returning to my breath), and quiet them if needed. It also creates a very "sharp" (not spacey) type of awareness.

5) Sometimes, concentrating on a fixed point causes me to strain. And who wants to cultivate a straining mind?  :P  Also, even though the tranquility from this type of concentration can be profound and remarkable, it just doesn't go "deep" into my psyche.

6) Goenka is right when he says that if you aren't aware of the body, then the peace you cultivate is more surface-level (but sometimes, thats ok). When calm awareness is brought to the body, it is much more transformative (purifying).

7) Body-scanning truly works to deepen equanimity and concentration even when the only thing I am able to sense is pain and "blankness."

 
I hope some of that helps. Of course, if you forget all of that, its fine.  ;D All you really need to remember is that nothing matters more than cultivating a calm and kind awareness.

With metta,
KN
« Last Edit: February 13, 2011, 12:47:33 AM by kidnovice »
May we cultivate the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; the compassion to change the things we can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Mindfullness

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #14 on: February 13, 2011, 12:47:15 AM »
Based on what you have said, I feel that your approach to meditation was similar to mine--that is exactly why I have been doing anapanna so intently for the past few weeks. Your current approach seems much more appropriate. By the way, did you also feel that when you did Vipassana, that it was hard for you to go scan the body without visualizing the areas of the body you were scanning? I found that I had that problem a lot in the beginning, and still do. Does this go away with time?

kidnovice

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    • Theravada: with nuts and bolts from Goenka-ji, and fine tuning from Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #15 on: February 13, 2011, 01:06:15 AM »
Based on what you have said, I feel that your approach to meditation was similar to mine--that is exactly why I have been doing anapanna so intently for the past few weeks. Your current approach seems much more appropriate. By the way, did you also feel that when you did Vipassana, that it was hard for you to go scan the body without visualizing the areas of the body you were scanning? I found that I had that problem a lot in the beginning, and still do. Does this go away with time?

You really shouldn't worry about it. For one thing, why is it a problem? I wouldn't suggest doing it on purpose, but its certainly not a "difficulty." If your mind wants to occupy itself with "mental maps" while you move your awareness through the body, that's alot better than it being occupied with angry thoughts! Right? If anything, the "mental maps" are probably helpful! :D I would take it as a sign that your mind is "on the same page" as your awareness. Your mind thinks its helping!

As long as you are aware of the felt-sense of the body, then your awareness will interact with it, whether you intend it or not. That's why being calm is so important. Calm awareness interacting with the body will do remarkable things.

It doesn't matter if your mind is creating a visualization in the background. If you are aware of the felt-sense, and you are calm, then you are doing great! Visualization will leave when the mind eventually understands that the "mental map" is unnecessary. Until then, you can make tremendous progress while it runs in the background.

KN
« Last Edit: February 13, 2011, 01:09:13 AM by kidnovice »
May we cultivate the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; the compassion to change the things we can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Mindfullness

  • Member
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #16 on: February 13, 2011, 01:16:57 AM »
That's what I thought too--but I could almost swear that the instructor at the Vipassana center said that visualizing the areas you are scanning is creating a false image in your mind(in a way, it's your mind giving into preconceived notions of what your body looks like), which is wrong. I can certainly see their point. I'm thinking, though, that this will probably fade with time as I do Vipassana more and more.

kidnovice

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    • Theravada: with nuts and bolts from Goenka-ji, and fine tuning from Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #17 on: February 13, 2011, 01:37:18 AM »
When you think about it, the instructor was right! The only thing "wrong" is the sense of judgment (and importance) that you've been placing on it.  

If you really understand that NOTHING is more important than cultivating a calm and accepting awareness, then issues like "mental maps" will automatically be seen as insignificant.

If your awareness is calm and accepting, then all phenomena (including "visualizations") can be patiently observed or ignored. Its all part of the purification process. On the other hand, if your awareness is not calm and accepting, then you should direct ALL your attention toward rectifying that. If something doesn't hinder your calm, don't worry about it.

Its really that simple.  ;)
  
« Last Edit: February 13, 2011, 01:40:32 AM by kidnovice »
May we cultivate the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; the compassion to change the things we can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Jeeprs

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #18 on: February 13, 2011, 10:16:37 AM »
I would also caution against being too focussed on 'doing it right' -  on techniques and methods and exactly how to breathe or what to do. Not everyone here has the same view as myself in this matter, and I am not criticizing the advice the KN and others have provided you. But just be aware that in a very real sense, the aim of meditation is 'to see things as they are'  - which is something that is both very simple and very difficult. Being mindful of breath and body certainly helps with that. But at the end of the day, meditation is about 'seeing it as it is'. Just watch, just see, just feel, just breathe..in..breathe out....breathe in...

rideforever

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Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #19 on: February 13, 2011, 10:45:43 AM »
I would also caution against being too focussed on 'doing it right' -  on techniques and methods and exactly how to breathe or what to do. Not everyone here has the same view as myself in this matter, and I am not criticizing the advice the KN and others have provided you. But just be aware that in a very real sense, the aim of meditation is 'to see things as they are'  - which is something that is both very simple and very difficult. Being mindful of breath and body certainly helps with that. But at the end of the day, meditation is about 'seeing it as it is'. Just watch, just see, just feel, just breathe..in..breathe out....breathe in...

Agree with this.  Any technique or even the idea that you are 'meditating' must be let go of eventually, and just be as you are.


Quardamon

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    • Teachers were: P.K.K. Mettavihari, Frits Koster, Nel Kliphuis. (In the line of Mahasi Sayadaw)
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #20 on: February 13, 2011, 11:06:52 AM »
Hello Nliyan25,

Thank you for your reaction.
Do you see what I see: You give a list of things that keep you going, and then one short sentence later, you talk again about what is wrong. And you end with: " . . . I come to the conclusion that I hate myself."
Home again.  ;D

There was a time, when I was about 23 and lived on my own, that if I felt O.K., I would go "home": to where my parents lived. After half an hour there, my pleasant feeling would have vanished, and I would feel "normal" again.
After half a year, this had happened half a dozen times, before I saw the pattern: If I had a pleasant and relaxed feeling, I went "home": I had difficulty handling feeling O.K.! At that time I decided not to stop the pattern, but to grow more aware of it, and to stay longer with this weird feeling of pleasantness before going to my parents' home. I also started to call that place "my parents' home" in stead of "home".

Well, this is going to be a long post. (You draw a lot of attention here; that is also a resource! You are not boring at all, mate.)
Here is a suggestion of what to do for one time, to test if you are addicted like I was at that time:
Take an old newspaper or journal, and call it "my self hate". Put it somewhere in the room or in the garden, where you are. Walk around. Just look around. Nothing special.
Remark, how much of your attention is with other newspapers, journals, plants, the coffee pot  . . .   And how often you look at or think of this "self hate". My wild guess is, that you are not neutral to this old newspaper called "self hate". Probably this self hate does not only mean negative things to you, but also positive things. But I will not go into that.

What I do want to suggest is an exercise to train a pleasant feeling - or rather a neutral & gentle feeling. The hole point is to allow a feeling that is O.K.
Look at the play of light and dark in the shadow of a bush or tree that the sun can partly shine through. Or at the play of light of the sun shining on water that ripples. Or anything that it not fantastic, but just O.K. as it is. And allow it to be. That is all. Just five minutes, no more that once or twice a day. Just allow something that is there and that is neutral to be there and to be neutral.
(Several things on the list of things that keep you going are things that one can dive deep into. This is an exercise in not-diving-into. If you think this is silly, just try.)

You have honesty as a resource, Nliyan25. That is beautiful. (Please, correct me if I am wrong. As Rideforever states, sila (morality) is fundamental. Far more fundamental than being found nice.)

Be well,
Quardamon

P.S.: The nice thing about an old newspaper is, that you can throw it away. ;) To be fair, you can tell the newspaper after the exercise that it is not your self hate any more.  (One should not throw such important things away lightheartedly. ;) )

@ Kidnovice: Thank you. Thank you.

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
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  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • KISS: Keep it simple stupid.
    • Getting nowhere slowly and enjoying every moment.
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #21 on: February 13, 2011, 12:13:20 PM »
To sum up a lot of the advice you have received - and a lot of what the path of meditation is about - in one very short sentence;

"Stop being 'right' and start being".

Meditation can help, exercises such as Quardamon describes can too, so can journalling about your feelings and many other things. But the key is to quiet that incessant mind chatter that starts when you wake and stops when you sleep so you at least have the choice of sitting peacefully awake in silence, just to be.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Mindfullness

  • Member
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2011, 03:42:04 PM »
Again, thank you all for the advice! Quardamon, your advice is particularly insightful. Keeping a journal is a great tool and I will be sure to keep it up. I especially like your tip on seeing things the way they are--I feel because of my low self-esteem, I have been unable to see things just " the way they are"--especially myself! Or maybe it's the other way around? Anyways, thanks again!

Andrew

  • Member
    • friends tell me things, sometimes I listen.
    • Letting Go.
Re: Anger & Meditation
« Reply #23 on: February 14, 2011, 04:11:20 AM »
To sum up a lot of the advice you have received - and a lot of what the path of meditation is about - in one very short sentence;

"Stop being 'right' and start being".

Meditation can help, exercises such as Quardamon describes can too, so can journalling about your feelings and many other things. But the key is to quiet that incessant mind chatter that starts when you wake and stops when you sleep so you at least have the choice of sitting peacefully awake in silence, just to be.

I don't think it stops when we sleep either, the mind chatter; my dentist said that it looks like i grind my teeth when I sleep.

So we can put that on the list of medical benefits

"advantages of meditatative lifestyle, number 1754 - 'lower dental bills'  "

love

andy
getting it done